| Quark: | I am truly impressed, and I'm not easily impressed. |
| In all my years as the proprietor of Quark's Bar, Grill, Gaming House, and Holosuite Arcade, I have never seen such a glowing employee performance report. |
| I mean, look at this. |
| In three months, no customer has filed a single complaint against you. |
| You haven't spilled a drink, mixed up a food order, or shortchanged a bill. |
| Aluura: | I take my job very seriously. |
| Quark: | And, yet, you always manage to wear a friendly smile. |
| Aluura: | That's because I like my work. |
| I'm happy to be here. |
| Quark: | And it shows. |
| The customers love you. |
| Your fellow dabo girls love you. |
| Even the Ferengi waiters sing your praises, and you know why? |
| Because you're nice. |
| Aluura: | I try to be. |
| Quark: | You're nice to the customers. |
| You're nice to the dabo girls. |
| You're nice to the Ferengi waiters. |
| You're nice to everyone... almost everyone. |
| Aluura: | You mean I've offended someone? |
| Quark: | Look closely, Aluura. |
| Can't you see the pain in my eyes? |
| Aluura: | But I'm always nice to you. |
| Quark: | I think you could be nicer. |
| Aluura: | How much nicer? |
| Oo-mox for fun and profit? |
| Quark: | It's a quick read. |
| Aluura: | Oh... you... want me to be... nice. |
| Quark: | Let's face it. |
| The customers, the dabo girls, the Ferengi waiters-- they didn't hire you, and, uh... they can't fire you. |
| Aluura: | You wouldn't. |
| Aluura: | Would you? |
| Quark: | Read the book. |
| Rom: | Brother... we need to talk. |
| Quark: | Go away. I'm in the middle of a meeting. |
| Rom: | But it's important. |
| Quark: | So is this meeting. |
| Rom: | It's about our mother. |
| Quark: | How many times have I told you not to mention Moogie when I'm... working? |
| Rom: | Sorry, but I tried contacting her this morning, and I couldn't get through. |
| Quark: | She's probably off visiting the Grand Nagus. |
| Rom: | I tried the Tower of Commerce. |
| There was no answer. |
| Quark: | They're probably on vacation. |
| Now, leave me alone; I'm trying to concentrate. |
| Rom: | You don't understand. |
| I can't get ahold of anyone on Ferenginar-- not Cousin Gaila, not Lek. |
| I tell you, something's very wrong. |
| Quark: | All right. |
| We will continue this later. |
| In the meantime, you have some reading to do. |
| Rom: | Hello, Aluura. |
| Quark: | Let's go. |
| Rom: | She's so nice. |
| Quark: | We'll see. |
| --- |
| Sisko: | A Dominion invasion of Ferenginar? |
| Rom: | Think of the repercussions to the Alpha Quadrant. |
| Worf: | I cannot think of any. |
| Kira: | How could the Dominion invade Ferenginar without first conquering the surrounding systems like Clarus and Irtok? |
| Rom: | Brother, did you hear that? |
| They've cut through Irtok, as well. |
| Kira: | That's not what I said. |
| Worf: | No reports of Dominion activity near that sector. |
| Quark: | Why can't we get through to Ferenginar? |
| Rom: | Moogie, the Nagus, Cousin Gaila... they're all dead. |
| Quark: | You don't know that, Rom, but something is definitely wrong on Ferenginar. |
| Sisko: | We'll see what we can find out. |
| Dax: | Captain, a Ferengi ship is approaching the station requesting permission to dock. |
| It's Grand Nagus Zek... and your mother is with him. |
| Rom: | They're alive! |
| Nice work. |
| --- |
| Zek: | Quark, Rom! |
| It's good to see you boys. |
| Quark: | It's good to see you, too, Nagus. |
| Zek: | Come along, my dear. |
| Rom: | Moogie... I was so worried. |
| Ishka: | You're a good son. |
| Quark: | I was worried, too. |
| Ishka: | And you're a good liar. |
| Rom: | Moogie, do you think it's a good idea to be wearing clothes in public? |
| Quark: | He's right. |
| What if one of my Ferengi waiters sees you? |
| Ishka: | I hope they do. |
| Tell them, Zekkie. |
| Zek: | No, you go right ahead, my dear. |
| Ishka: | It should come from you. |
| Quark: | Would someone please tell me what's going on? |
| Ishka: | It's one of those good news/bad news type of things. |
| Give him the good news first. |
| Zek: | If you insist. |
| Three days ago, I added a new amendment to the Ferengi "Bill of Opportunities" giving females the right to wear clothes. |
| Rom: | In public? |
| Ishka: | Anywhere we want. |
| Quark: | That can't b good news. |
| If Ferengi females can wear clothes in public, then they can leave their homes. |
| If they can leave their homes, they can go to work. |
| If they can go to work, they can make profit. |
| Ishka: | What's the matter, Quark-- afraid of a little competition? |
| Quark: | Are you sure that's the good news? |
| Rom: | It sounds good to me. |
| Ishka: | Oh, now you see why I like him best? |
| Zek: | Face it, Quark-- it's good business. |
| For thousands of years, Ferenginar has allowed a valuable resource to go to waste. |
| Quark: | Females? |
| Valuable resource? |
| Zek: | They make up 53.5% of the population and contribute virtually nothing to gross planetary income. |
| I say it's time they started pulling their own weight. |
| Quark: | Better tell me the bad news. |
| That might cheer me up. |
| Ishka: | I doubt it. |
| Zek: | The moment fully clothed females started appearing on the streets of Ferenginar, financial chaos erupted all over the planet. |
| Rom: | That explains the communications blackout. |
| Zek: | There was so much buying and selling throughout the Alliance that the entire planetary communications grid shut down. |
| Quark: | If there's trouble on Ferenginar, what are you doing here? |
| Zek: | I've been deposed. |
| I'm no longer Grand Nagus. |
| Quark: | Then who is? |
| Ishka: | Who do you think? |
| Quark: | Brunt. |
| Rom: | Grand Nagus Brunt? |
| Zek: | Acting Grand Nagus Brunt. |
| Rom: | Brother, we're in trouble now. |
| Brunt hates us. |
| Ishka: | Well, don't start panicking. |
| The Ferengi Commerce Authority hasn't confirmed him yet. |
| Zek: | And they won't for three more days. |
| Boys, together we're going to reconquer an empire or die in the attempt! |
| Ishka: | What lovely quarters you have, Quark. |
| Small... but lovely. |
| Zek: | As of this moment, I declare this site to be the headquarters of the sole legitimategovernment of fere. |
| Quark: | I still can't believe it. |
| Brunt is the new Nagus? |
| Zek: | Acting Nagus. |
| Quark: | For three more days. |
| Then it becomes official. |
| Zek: | I'm not worried. |
| I have a secret weapon-- your mother. |
| Now, here's the plan: One, we contact every F.C.A. commissioner and invite them to the station for a meeting. |
| Two, Ishka runs the meeting. |
| Quark: | Oh, they'll love that. |
| Zek: | Maybe not at first, but she'll win them over using her vast financial knowledge and her keen instinct for profit. |
| She'll prove once and for all that allowing females to wear clothing is the first step toward a healthier and more prosperous Ferengi economy. |
| And three... what was three again, my dear? |
| Ishka: | The F.C.A. commissioners reinstate you as Nagus. |
| Zek: | And who could ask for a happier ending than that? |
| Ishka: | But that's only the beginning, lobekins. |
| I predict that one day a female will enter the Tower of Commerce climb the 40 flights of stairs to the Chamber of Opportunity and take her rightful place as Grand Nagus of the Ferengi Alliance. |
| Quark: | Don't look at me. |
| It was your amendment. |
| Rom: | Nagus, you remember my son, Nog, don't you? |
| He's the first Ferengi to join Starfleet. |
| Zek: | I'll try not to hold that against him. |
| Rom: | And this is my wife, Leeta. |
| Leeta: | I've heard... so much about you. |
| Zek: | Would you like to hear more? |
| Ishka: | Remember, she's Rom's wife. |
| Zek: | Meaning what? |
| Ishka: | Meaning she's broke. |
| Zek: | She doesn't look broke to me. |
| Ishka: | Zekkie... |
| Zek: | Just having a little harmless fun, my sweet. |
| Now, Quark, you and your brother get rid of some of this furniture, and, you, get three subspace transceivers off my ship and set them up in here. |
| And where's my beetle snuff? |
| Grand Nagus Brunt. |
| --- |
| Quark: | Good afternoon, I'm calling on behalf of Grand Nagus Zek. |
| Rom: | The Nagus summons you to a meeting here on Deep Space Nine. |
| Nog: | He's counting on your support. |
| Quark: | You'll be presented with some very interesting financial data. |
| Rom: | There's profit to be earned. |
| Nog: | ...the Nagus wants you to share in these lucrative opportunities. |
| Rom: | Yes, I'm talking about the Grand Nagus. |
| Quark: | No, not Brunt. |
| Nog: | Grand Nagus Zek. |
| Quark: | Who said he was dead? |
| Rom: | Wait. Don't end the transmission. |
| Nog: | Hello? Hello? |
| Where'd he go? |
| Quark: | I know all about the 94th Rule of Acquisition. |
| Nog: | I know-- females and finances don't mix. |
| But that can be interpreted in many different ways. |
| Quark: | Hello? Hello? |
| Rom: | That's not a nice thing to say about the Nagus. |
| Quark: | I beg your pardon? |
| Nog: | There's no need to be insulting. |
| Rom: | Hello? |
| Hello? Hello? |
| Quark: | That female happens to be my mother! |
| Rom: | Hello? |
| --- |
| Zek: | Are you sure you contacted every commissioner on this list? |
| Quark: | All 432 of them. |
| Zek: | And you could only convince one of them to attend a meeting? |
| Rom: | Maybe if we made some follow-up calls... |
| Zek: | I helped every one of those people earn a fortune! |
| And this is how they repay me? |
| Nog: | What a bunch of ingrates. |
| Ishka: | Well, the news isn't all bad. |
| The commissioner who's agreed to come... it's Nilva. |
| Quark: | The Chairman of Slug-o-Cola. |
| Ishka: | He's a very powerful and influential voice within the F.C.A. |
| Zek: | Unfortunately, he's an influential voice for the status quo. |
| Rom: | I don't think Slug-o-Cola has changed its slogan in 300 years. |
| Drink Slug-o-Cola |
| All: | ...the slimiest cola in the Galaxy. |
| Quark: | Why would Nilva agree to come to the meeting? |
| Ishka: | I'm not sure, but if I can convince him to support Zek other commissioners will follow. |
| Zek: | Well, it's a start, at least. |
| Ishka: | See? I told you it was too early to panic. |
| Brunt: | Care to place a wager on that? |
| Rom: | Grand Nagus Brunt! |
| Zek: | Acting Grand Nagus Brunt. |
| Ishka: | Now you can panic. |
| Brunt: | I'll take an Eelwasser. |
| No ice. |
| Zek: | What are you doing here, Brunt? |
| Brunt: | That's Grand Nagus Brunt. |
| Ishka: | Acting Grand Nagus. |
| Brunt: | Would someone please tell that female to take off those clothes? |
| It's disgusting. |
| Ishka: | Get used to it, limp lobes. |
| This is the future. |
| Brunt: | Over my dead body. |
| Zek: | If that's what it takes. |
| Rom: | I don't suppose you're here to reminisce about the time you helped my brother and me rescue Moogie from the Dominion. |
| Brunt: | You're right. |
| That's not why I'm here-- though I find it ironic that helping to rescue your mother was the first step on my road to becoming Nagus. |
| Ishka: | Don't remind me. |
| Zek: | I never should have given you your job back with the F.C.A. |
| Brunt: | But you did. |
| And as a liquidator, I was able to bribe my way back into a position of power. |
| Rom: | That is ironic. |
| Brunt: | Face it, Zek. |
| It's over. |
| You're finished... bankrupt. |
| I'm going to liquidate you. |
| Brunt: | Cancel that Eelwasser. |
| And get me a... Slug-o-Cola instead. |
| On second thought... I'll just wait till Chairman Nilva gets here. |
| I'm sure he'll be happy to provide his new Nagus with all the Slug-o-Cola I can drink. |
| Rom: | How did you know Nilva was coming here? |
| Brunt: | Because it's my business to know. |
| Go on. |
| Have your little meeting. |
| Whatever you offer Nilva, |
| I'll double it. |
| Quark: | That's it! |
| Get out of my bar. |
| Brunt: | You dare threaten your Nagus? |
| Quark: | Acting Nagus. |
| You may liquidate us tomorrow but right now, this is still my establishment. |
| Now, get out before I kick you out. |
| Brunt: | I'm going to make you a pauper. |
| Uri'lash... we're leaving. |
| Say good-bye to these poor people. |
| Quark: | Out. |
| Zek: | My boy, I'm proud of you. |
| Ishka: | So am I. |
| Rom: | Me, too. |
| Quark: | I just kicked the Grand Nagus out of my bar. |
| Others: | Acting Grand Nagus. |
| Quark: | Whatever. |
| I need to lie down. |
| --- |
| Ishka: | You busy, Quark? |
| Quark: | Busy? |
| Me? |
| Nah. I'm just lying here wondering if it's not too late for me to start a new life somewhere. |
| Ishka: | Oh, Quark, there's nothing wrong with your life. |
| Quark: | I'm sorry. I stand corrected. |
| Ishka: | You're overreacting. |
| Quark: | Whatever you say. |
| Ishka: | Reminds me of when you were a lobling. |
| You were always such a miserable child. |
| Quark: | Moogie, leave me alone. |
| Ishka: | I'm your mother; I can't leave you alone. |
| Quark: | Try! |
| Ishka: | Come on. On your feet. |
| Zekkie's waiting for you in the Bar. |
| Quark: | Now what? |
| Ishka: | He feels like playing a game of tongo. |
| Quark: | We're all facing banishment from Ferengi society, and he wants to play tongo? |
| Ishka: | He wants to play tongo. |
| I want to have a late-night snack. |
| You want to lie here, feeling sorry for yourself. |
| We all deal with stress in different ways. |
| Any fresh tube grubs around? |
| Quark: | How can you eat at a time like this? |
| Ishka: | It's simple. |
| You put one end of the tube grub between your front teeth, and you suck them right up. |
| Quark: | You want tube grubs? Fine. |
| Here. Enjoy. |
| Ishka: | These are minced. |
| I wanted fresh. |
| Quark: | This is all your fault. |
| Ishka: | It's my fault you don't have fresh tube grubs? |
| Quark: | I'm not talking about tube grubs. |
| I'm talking about Ferengi females wearing clothes and earning profit. |
| I'm talking about Grand Nagus Brunt. |
| Ishka: | Acting Grand Nagus Brunt! |
| Quark: | You're not fooling me, Moogie. |
| You've been plotting this all along. |
| Ever since you met Zek you've been working on him manipulating him, whispering things in his ears things like, "equality for females." |
| Ishka: | What's wrong with that? |
| Quark: | I'll tell you what's wrong with that. |
| You've ruined Zek's life, your life, Rom's life. |
| Ishka: | As if you cared about any of us. |
| It's your life you're worried about. |
| Quark: | You bet I'm worried. |
| Nobody else seems to care what happens to me. |
| You come here to my station, take over my quarters make me a part of your subversive schemes... |
| Ishka: | What's the matter, Quark? |
| Are you afraid you picked the wrong side? |
| You can always go crawling to Brunt beg his forgiveness. |
| Quark: | I don't want anything to do with Brunt. |
| I want my old Nagus back! |
| Ishka: | Do you. |
| Quark: | I want Zek to be the way he used to be before he met you, before you twisted his thinking with your-your... your feminine wiles. |
| Ishka: | Before he met me, Zek was a lonely, unhappy man. |
| Quark: | But he was rich! |
| He was the most powerful Ferengi alive. |
| Now what is he? A puppet. |
| And you're the one pulling the strings making him dance to your evil feminist tune. |
| You're the worst thing that ever happened to Zek! |
| You're the worst thing that ever happened to me. |
| You're the worst thing that ever happened to the entire Ferengi Alliance! |
| Ishka: | Maybe I am! |
| But at least I'm not like you-- a selfish, spineless ungrateful... |
| Quark: | Don't forget miserable. |
| Ishka: | Miserable excuse for a son! |
| Quark: | Is that the best you can do? |
| Ishka: | I haven't even begun. |
| You should be ashamed of yourself. |
| Why, you are nothing but a... |
| Why, you are... you... |
| Quark: | Go ahead. Say it. |
| Ishka: | You're a... |
| Quark: | I'm still waiting. |
| Ishka: | You're a... you're a... you're a... |
| Quark: | A... what?! |
| Moogie... |
| Moogie? Moogie! |
| Moogie? |
| Moogie? Moogie? |
| --- |
| Rom: | Moogie... please don't die. |
| Quark: | She's not going to die. |
| She's going to get better. |
| Zek: | I hope so... for my sake... for her sake... for the sake of the entire Ferengi Alliance, and most of all I hope she gets better for your sake, Quark, because if she doesn't... |
| Quark: | What did I do? |
| Zek: | That's exactly the question I keep asking myself! |
| What did you do to her?! |
| Quark: | I told you. |
| She said she was hungry. |
| I gave her some tube grubs. |
| She thanked me... and then she collapsed. |
| I wish you'd stop making me relive it. |
| Rom: | Are you sure you didn't do or say anything to upset her? |
| Quark: | I don't want to talk about it. |
| Zek: | What's wrong? |
| Your conscience bothering you? |
| Quark: | I haven't done anything wrong. |
| Bashir: | That's not what your mother says. |
| Rom: | Doctor... how's Moogie? |
| Quark: | Will she live? |
| Bashir: | Oh, yes, she'll live. |
| She needed a new heart, and it's functioning normally, but she's going to need a few days complete rest. |
| And she'll need to be kept far away from him. |
| Zek: | And why is that, Doctor? |
| Bashir: | I'm not sure exactly. |
| All I do know is that she keeps repeating the same phrase over and over: "It's all Quark's fault." |
| "It's all Quark's fault." |
| Quark: | I wonder what she means by that. |
| --- |
| Quark: | And, uh... then I... I accused her of being the worst thing that ever happened to the Ferengi Alliance and she clutched her chest and collapsed. |
| Moogie and I argue all the time. |
| It's our way of showing affection. |
| Zek: | Well, if you ask me, Quark, the worst thing that ever happened to the Ferengi Alliance is you. |
| Quark: | I'm sorry. |
| Rom: | Well, I suppose we should contact Nilva and tell him the meeting has to be postponed. |
| Zek: | We can't postpone the meeting! |
| In two days the F.C.A. is going to confirm Brunt as the new Grand Nagus. |
| Rom: | Boy. When things go wrong... |
| Brunt: | ... the only thing to do is to get down on your knees and beg for mercy. |
| Who knows? |
| You might find me in a charitable mood. |
| Zek: | By the time I get through with you, you're the one who's going to need charity. |
| Brunt: | Such brave words... yet so empty. |
| I was very relieved to hear your mother is going to be all right. |
| Of course, it doesn't do you much good. |
| Nilva will be arriving tonight expecting to meet a brilliant Ferengi female. |
| Do you know any? |
| I mean, besides Ishka? |
| I certainly don't. |
| How... pitiful. |
| One day you're the Grand Nagus of the Ferengi Alliance, and the next you're nothing but a common barroom brawler. |
| You see what happens when you put your faith in a female? |
| Rom: | What about Leeta? |
| Quark: | What about her? |
| Rom: | Maybe she could meet with Nilva. |
| She handles my finances, and she's a female. |
| Zek: | And a very beautiful one at that. |
| But Nilva's expecting to meet with a Ferengi female. |
| Quark: | We'll never get one here in time. |
| Rom: | We're doomed. |
| Zek: | No, we're not. |
| You think if Ishka were here, she'd give up? |
| Rom: | If she were here, we wouldn't have a problem. |
| Zek: | That's not my point. |
| Your mother would never accept defeat. |
| If she couldn't find another female, she'd... she'd... she'd... |
| Rom: | She'd what? |
| Zek: | She'd make one. |
| Quark: | You mean a hologram? |
| Zek: | Better than a hologram. |
| Quark: | What could be better than a hologram? |
| Zek: | You. |
| Rom: | Dr. Bashir certainly did a wonderful job on you. |
| I'd call the operation a complete success. |
| Leeta: | It must've been a very delicate procedure. |
| Quark: | Tell me about it. |
| Leeta: | There. |
| Quark: | Well, how do I look? |
| Leeta: | You look nice. |
| Quark: | Nice? |
| That's all? |
| Rom: | Very nice. |
| Zek: | You may look like a female, but you have to do something about that voice. |
| Quark: | I'm trying! |
| I-I mean... I'm trying. |
| Zek: | Well, try harder. |
| Leeta: | And stop looking down. |
| Quark: | I need to see what I look like. |
| Someone get me a mirror. |
| Rom: | You see, brother? |
| You look lovely. |
| Leeta: | There go his hormones. |
| Rom: | You mean her hormones? |
| Quark: | Ta-take it away! |
| Take it away! |
| Oh, I'm sorry. |
| I just feel so-so different. |
| Leeta: | Would you stop staring at your chest? |
| Quark: | I'm not staring at my chest. |
| I'm staring at my hips. |
| Aren't they too big? |
| Zek: | Your hips are fine. |
| Now, let's get down to business. |
| These are your mother's notes for her meeting with Nilva. |
| Study them carefully. |
| Quark: | "Female apparel for a new source of latinum for a new Ferenginar." |
| "Hypicate cream for smooth skin and healthier profits." |
| All these facts and figures-- they're too much for me to remember. |
| Zek: | Oh, nonsense. |
| You just need a little time to practice your presentation. |
| Leeta: | And while you're at it, we need to practice your walk. |
| Quark: | What's wrong with my walk? |
| Leeta: | You're... lumbering. |
| Quark: | This is never going to work. |
| Rom: | Don't cry, brother. |
| Here. Let me show you. |
| Watch carefully. |
| Rom: | You see, it's more of a glide. |
| Leeta: | That's... good. |
| Rom: | And when you sit, make sure your knees are touching, and don't forget to relax your shoulders, but keep your bottom tight. |
| Rom: | What? |
| Quark: | He's the one that should be wearing the dress. |
| Rom: | Why me? |
| Leeta: | You're so adorable... and... complicated. |
| Quark: | Maybe it's not too late. |
| Come on, brother, I'll take you to Dr. Bashir. |
| Zek: | Forget it, Quark. |
| Rom may make a better female than you, but when it comes to business, you're the better Ferengi. |
| Quark: | Looks like your stupidity has saved you again. |
| Rom: | It comes in handy sometimes. |
| Quark: | I can do this. |
| It's only for one meeting. |
| I can be female for one meeting... can't I? |
| Leeta: | Not if you're lumbering. |
| Quark: | I'll conduct the meeting sitting down. |
| Rom: | Tighten your bottom. |
| Zek: | Well, I think you're doing wonderfully, my dear. |
| I'm proud of you. |
| Zek: | I'm sorry. |
| You know, you may walk like a man, but you make a very attractive female. |
| Confusing isn't it? |
| Quark: | Not to me. |
| Nog: | He's here. |
| He's on the station. |
| Zek: | Who is? |
| Nog: | Nilva. |
| Quark: | But he's not supposed to arrive until tomorrow. |
| Zek: | That Nilva, he's a tricky one, but he makes a good cola. |
| Rom: | What do we do? |
| Quark: | No, I-I can't meet Nilva now. |
| I'm still lumbering. |
| Nog: | You look very nice. |
| Zek: | Nog, escort the chairman to his quarters. |
| Tell him I'll meet him for dinner tonight. |
| Nog: | Yeah. |
| Oh, what if he asks about Ishka? |
| Zek: | Tell him that Ishka is sick, but that tomorrow he'll be meeting with my other female financial advisor... uh... uh... Lumba. |
| Nog: | Right. |
| Quark: | Lumba? |
| Zek: | You'd better start memorizing those notes. |
| Leeta: | First, we need to practice your walking. |
| Rom: | And your sitting. |
| Zek: | You'd better work on that voice. |
| Quark: | Any other comments? |
| Zek: | Has anyone ever told you that you have lovely eyes? |
| Nilva: | Here. |
| Have a Slug-o-Cola. |
| Nog: | Thank you. |
| Welcome to Deep Space Nine, Chairman Nilva. |
| Nilva: | You drink Slug-o-Cola, don't you? |
| Nog: | The slimiest cola in the Galaxy? |
| Doesn't everybody? |
| Nilva: | Good boy. |
| Now, take me to Zek. |
| Nog: | Zek wanted me to take you... |
| Nilva: | Oh, don't argue with me. |
| Drink your cola, and lead the way. |
| --- |
| Nog: | Oh, uh... you sure you don't want to stop by your quarters and freshen up? |
| Nilva: | Not before I meet this senior advisor of Zek's. |
| --- |
| Brunt: | Nilva, how nice to see you again. |
| Nilva: | Grand Nagus Brunt. |
| Nog: | Acting Grand Nagus Brunt. |
| Nilva: | Well, I had a feeling I might find you here. |
| Brunt: | I thought after your meeting with Zek we could have a little chat. |
| Nilva: | Oh, of course. |
| But I've really come to meet this Ishka female. |
| Brunt: | Haven't you heard? |
| Ishka's in the Infirmary. |
| She's in no position to meet anyone. |
| Nog: | Which is why you'll be meeting with another one of Zek's financial advisors. |
| Her name is Lumba. |
| Brunt: | Never heard of her. |
| Nilva: | Oh, Zek has two female advisors? |
| Brunt: | I didn't know there were two Ferengi females on the station. |
| Nilva: | Well, what are we waiting for? |
| Let's go meet this other female. |
| Nog: | Are you sure you wouldn't like me to show you around the station first? |
| Nilva: | I want to meet Lumba. |
| Brunt: | Lumba? |
| --- |
| Brunt: | Let's try it again. |
| Quark: | My name is Lumba. |
| You must be Chairman Nilva. |
| Zek has told me so much about you... |
| Ow! |
| Leeta: | What's wrong now? |
| Quark: | It's these earrings, they're killing me. |
| Do I have to wear them? |
| Rom: | No woman is complete without earrings. |
| Why does everyone keep looking at me? |
| Quark: | I'm going to bed. |
| Zek: | Now? |
| Quark: | I'm exhausted. |
| If I don't get any sleep, I'll never make it through tomorrow's meeting. |
| Leeta: | Who could that be? |
| Rom: | Come in. |
| Zek: | Nilva! |
| Nilva: | Zek! |
| Ah. Here. Have a Slug-o-Cola. |
| Don't worry. |
| I've brought enough here for everyone. |
| Nog: | He insisted on seeing you immediately. |
| Nilva: | Why, you must be Lunga. |
| Quark: | Lumba. |
| Nilva: | Oh, a clothed female Ferengi-- and with your approval, no less. |
| Oh, either you've been inhaling too much beetle snuff, or you're the greatest visionary ever to sit atop the Tower of Commerce. |
| Zek: | Well, uh, why don't you and I have dinner tonight and try to figure it out? |
| We can go to Quark's, and get some nice juicy snail steaks. |
| You can meet with Lumba tomorrow. |
| Nilva: | I'm afraid that's not possible. |
| You see, I have to leave first thing in the morning. |
| I'm due back on Ferenginar for an important stockholder's meeting. |
| Oh, but those snail steaks do sound tempting. |
| I know. |
| Why don't I have dinner with Lumba? |
| Quark: | Oh, with me? |
| Zek: | Won't you feel uncomfortable being seen in public with a clothed female? |
| Nilva: | Well, of course, I will, but you and I have earned a lot of latinum together over the years. |
| That should be worth some small discomfort. |
| But Lumba better be all you claim she is, or I'll have to liquidate you myself. |
| Let's eat. |
| Rom: | Have fun. |
| --- |
| Nilva: | Two snail steaks, lightly seared. |
| Now, tell me something. |
| Doesn't wearing all those clothes make you feel like a deviant? |
| Quark: | Not really. |
| And I'll tell you why. |
| Because under all these clothes I know I'm totally naked. |
| Nilva: | I'll try to remember that. |
| Now, you better explain to me how allowing females to wear clothing is going to make me richer than I already am. |
| Quark: | I was hoping you were going to ask me that. |
| You see this dress I'm wearing? |
| Have you any idea how much it would sell for on Ferenginar? |
| --- |
| Leeta: | Would someone please tell me what they're saying? |
| Zek: | Shh! |
| Rom: | Shh! |
| Nog: | Shh! |
| --- |
| Nilva: | Let me see if I understand. |
| Giving females the right to wear clothing allows them to... have pockets. |
| Once they have pockets they're going to want to fill them with latinum. |
| Quark: | Which means they're going to need jobs. |
| Nilva: | And once they start earning latinum, they're going to want to spend it. |
| Quark: | Which means, Ferenginar will be expanding its workforce, and its consumer base at the same time. |
| Nilva: | Oh, there will be plenty of profit for everyone. |
| Quark: | When it comes to profit, I'm your girl. |
| And... I'm sure you could use a little extra latinum. |
| Nilva: | Meaning what? |
| Quark: | I read the beverage trades. |
| Sales of Slug-o-Cola have flattened out, and Eelwasser had a very impressive third quarter. |
| Nilva: | Aw, they were lucky. |
| That's all. |
| Quark: | I know a way you can increase sales of Slug-o-Cola by 50 to 60%. |
| Nilva: | I'm all ears. |
| Quark: | Target the new female consumer. |
| Make Slug-o-Cola her drink. |
| Nilva: | There's nothing stopping her from drinking it now. |
| Quark: | But you're not encouraging her either. |
| "The slimiest cola in the Galaxy?" |
| That kind of slogan doesn't appeal to women. |
| Nilva: | Well, what would? |
| Quark: | Let me see. |
| Slug-o-Cola contains 43% live algae, right? |
| Nilva: | In every bottle. |
| Quark: | Well, how about something like "Drink Slug-o-Cola..." |
| "And keep your teeth that lovely shade of green?" |
| Nilva: | Oh... Zek was right about you. |
| You're very intelligent. |
| Quark: | For a female. |
| Nilva: | Ohh. |
| I think it's time for dessert now. |
| Quark: | Good idea. |
| Quark: | I thought we were going to have dessert. |
| Nilva: | Oh, we are... in my quarters. |
| Quark: | Ah! |
| Nilva: | Oh, I never ever thought I'd find a clothed female so... enticing. |
| Quark: | Enticing? |
| Me? |
| Don't be silly. |
| Nilva: | Oh, it's so good to finally be alone... without all those people staring at us. |
| Although, I must admit I-I did find it somewhat stimulating. |
| Quark: | Maybe a little too stimulating. |
| Nilva: | Oh, can I help it if my lobes burn for you, huh, huh? |
| If you don't believe me, just touch them. |
| Touch them. |
| Quark: | I'll take your word for it. |
| Nilva: | You said you'd do anything for me. |
| Quark: | I lied. |
| Nilva: | Oh, oh, oh... |
| Oh, come to me, my little love slave. |
| Quark: | Stay away! |
| Nilva: | Ha! |
| Marry me. |
| Quark: | I don't think your wife would approve. |
| Nilva: | Who cares? She hasn't touched my lobes in months. |
| Quark: | I can tell. |
| Nilva: | Oh, I need you. |
| Quark: | What you need is a cold shower! |
| Nilva: | What a good idea. |
| Why, you can scrub my back. |
| Quark: | What if... |
| Nilva: | Yes? |
| Quark: | I told you... |
| Nilva: | Yes? |
| Quark: | I hate Slug-o-Cola? |
| Nilva: | Oh, so do I! |
| Oh, you torture me. |
| Quark: | Stay away... |
| Nilva: | Stay away? |
| Quark: | Or... |
| Nilva: | Or what? |
| Quark: | Or I'll jump. |
| Nilva: | I'll catch you. |
| Brunt: | Let go of that man! |
| Quark: | I'm trying. |
| Nilva: | Would you please leave? |
| You're making Lumba nervous. |
| Brunt: | His name's not Lumba, it's Quark, and he's a male. |
| Nilva: | A male? |
| Brunt: | How pitiful. |
| Zek must be truly desperate. |
| Nilva: | Is this true? |
| You're... a man? |
| Quark: | Do I look like a man? |
| Brunt: | Nice try, Quark, but it's not going to work. |
| He's the station's bartender. |
| Quark: | Don't listen to him, hot lobes. |
| I'm as female as they come, and I'm going to prove it to you. |
| Quark: | Well? |
| Nilva: | Well, I'm... not sure. |
| Quark: | Oh... all right. |
| Quark: | Now are you sure? |
| Nilva: | Oh... completely. |
| Brunt: | I tell you that is not a female! |
| Nilva: | Well, she's close enough for me. |
| Oh, come, my dear. |
| Let's go tell Zek that I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure he remains Grand Nagus. |
| Brunt: | But... why? |
| Nilva: | Because that's what Lumba wants. |
| Brunt: | His name's Quark. |
| --- |
| Odo: | Interesting ring. |
| Quark: | It was a gift. |
| Poor Nilva... such a lovely man but so lonely. |
| Odo: | Really? |
| Quark: | There was a sweetness to him... and also a strength. |
| Sometimes, he'd get this little glint in his eye... |
| You know what I mean. |
| Odo: | Not really... but I'm glad you had a pleasant evening. |
| Quark: | You're mocking me, aren't you? |
| Odo: | And you're being a little overly sensitive. |
| Quark: | I've only been a male again for six hours. |
| My hormones must still be out of balance. |
| My emotions are raging out of control. |
| Odo: | Is there anything I can do? |
| Quark: | Would you mind... giving me... a hug? |
| Odo: | A hug? |
| Quark: | Just a small one. |
| Quark: | Thank you! |
| Oh, thank you. |
| Zek: | I hope we're not interrupting anything. |
| Odo: | Uh, excuse me. |
| Zek: | We just wanted to say good-bye before we go back to Ferenginar. |
| Ishka: | Where the rivers run with muck and the streets are swarming with happy females. |
| Zek: | And where, if all goes according to plan the F.C.A. commissioners will once again proclaim me Grand Nagus. |
| Rom: | That would be nice, but Brunt's going to fight you at every turn. |
| Zek: | Ah, I wouldn't have it any other way. |
| Ishka: | I'm glad we have Nilva on our side and we have you to thank for that, Quark. |
| Quark: | Will you forgive me, Moogie? |
| Ishka: | Of course I do. |
| You may be a lousy son, but you made a wonderful daughter. |
| Ishka: | I hope the experience taught you something. |
| Quark: | It made me more compassionate, more empathetic... more nurturing. |
| I feel like I'm trapped in my worst nightmare. |
| Zek: | Don't worry. |
| I'm sure it won't last. |
| You'll be back to your old self in no time. |
| Ishka: | Mmm... |
| Rom: | You are so... lucky. |
| Quark: | Oh. |
| Rom: | No man ever gave me a ring. |
| Aluura: | Quark? |
| Quark: | Aluura... |
| Aluura: | I read the book. |
| Quark: | What book? |
| Aluura: | You know, Oo-mox for Fun... |
| Quark: | You shouldn't be wasting your time reading that kind of trash. |
| Aluura: | But you told me to... |
| Quark: | Forget what I told you. |
| It was wrong, and I apologize. |
| You are a wonderful employee, and I'm lucky to have you working for me. |
| In fact, as of today, I'm giving you a raise... another two slips of latinum a week. |
| Aluura: | Really? |
| Quark: | It's the least I can do. |
| Aluura: | That's too bad. |
| Quark: | All right. Make it three. |
| Aluura: | No, it's not that. |
| Quark: | Then what? |
| Aluura: | It's just that... oo-mox sounded like fun-- the tympanic tickle, the eustachian tube rub, the... auditory nerve nibble... |
| But if that's the way you feel about it... |
| Quark: | That is exactly the way I feel about it. |
| Quark: | What am I saying? |
| Aluura? |
| Wait. |
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第146話 "Valiant" 「過信」
トップ | DS9 エピソードガイド